When there is something bothering me or something I’m worried about, I tend to churn it over and over in my mind in hopes of finding a solution and relief. I think I have done this for most of my life. This seems to be part of the human condition since we all do it to some degree.
So often our mind narrows in on a preoccupation to such a degree that we perceive little else. Ironically this habit just sets the hook deeper! By obsessively focusing on the same few problems, we can develop an increased sense of unease and begin to see the world around us as a perpetual threat. This is often accompanied by self-judgement and withdrawal. We next start judging others and the world around us in an effort to identify the root of our angst. Ultimately we just feel worse. It is so automatic it seems normal and we barely notice we’re doing it.
Here’s the good news: there are ways to defuse this pattern. I offer here one method I have found to be consistently useful for disconnecting from this exhausting mental cycle. I call it “Catch and Release.” It’s a sort of meditation technique where you sit quietly and observe your thoughts. Soon, whatever is most prominently on your mind will show up; a worry, a doubt, a fear, a judgment a painful memory or some other negative thought. See if you can identify the thought, then give it a name that captures its essence. Instead of pushing the thought away, acknowledge it, embrace it and offer acceptance by saying to yourself, “I love you.” This can be very challenging since many of our thoughts are painful – sometimes REALLY painful and have been held a long time. Or we may feel we are in the midst of an acute crisis with no good way through.
Many events in our life were not of our choosing. We didn’t ask for them but they happened. They may have been completely outside our control at the time and we can feel stuck with the aftermath. Here is the thing we must remember: we can’t change past circumstances and some present situations are beyond our control, but we can choose to change our thoughts and feelings about them. That is precisely what this technique helps us do. By repeatedly and consistently practicing the technique of “catching” negative thoughts, offering them love and acceptance, then “releasing” them, you can go a long way to gaining perspective and begin to see that your world consists of so much more that your pain and chronic preoccupations. When we offer love to our darkness, the light gets brighter. We can start to see what’s going right. Solutions and possibilities naturally begin opening up. Wounds can heal and we can forgive. The beauty that is in us and around all the time begins to shine through. We gain a taste of freedom.
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